A Perfect Day
by KatWantsToFly
Summary: Nate knew the perfect girl for him had long golden blonde hair, she was his fairy-tale. But when reality hits home will he realize who he truly loves. An NB story. Warning lots of CB Finished
1. Chapter 1

Hi this is my first story so be kind. Basically Ive always been a Blair fan and I hated the way Nate got over her in like to seconds in the 2nd series. So this is basically how I would have ended them. Set in Season 3 when B and C are together as well as N and S. If no one likes it ill just make it a one shot.

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Nate smiled to himself as he stepped out of the building into the glorious sunlight of the warm summer day. It had finally happen, he finally got Serena Van DeWoodenson and she was perfect. All the waiting had dreaming had been worth it for he would finally call her his. He smiled his trademark smile up to the sky and thought to himself that life was complete and nothing could go wrong. If only he had known then how utterly wrong he was.

His thoughts where interrupted by the buzz of his phone, he flipped it open to see a text from Serena

Hi, Can't make lunch me and B are dress shopping for tonight. Ill see you there.

Nate's smile vanished and he frowned to himself, but then he considered that it was Blair's night he forgave for monopolising his girl friends time. She was probably panicking in classical Blair style.

He quickly sent text to Chuck before heading over to his friends hotel suit.

"Chuck" he yelled when he reached the suit.

"Nathaniel, I wasn't expecting to see you until this evening. Problems in paradise already?" He questioned.

"No actually, your girlfriend is demanding time from mine and therefore leaving me free for the day, and I thought I'de spend it with you." Corrected Nate.

Chuck smiled at the mere suggestion of Blair and said "I feel so special, your making me blush."

"But" he continued, "Blair just left here and she was going to gallery to check everything was right for tonight"

Nate shrugged unwilling to question perfect, "Is she nervous" he asked.

His change of subject didn't go unnoticed by Chuck but he merely replied "As nervous as Blair can get. It's the first event she has planned entirely but herself and lots of names are going to be there. But don't worry I made sure she wasn't to stressed before she left." Chuck winked at his friend, and Nate laughed in response.

They spent the rest of the day playing halo and drinking. By seven Nate sighed and stood up "Got to go and get dressed see you at around eight"

"Just borrow one of mine suits and come with me" Chuck offered.

"Thanks" Nate smiled "But I don't think I could pull of the purple in quite the same way"

"Jealous" Chuck called as Nate left laughing.

He arrived back at his own home, took a quick shower and let the cold water wash away the alcohol he had been consuming all day. Then he dressed smiling slightly as he looked at a purple tie before putting on a black one.

No he could never be Chuck Bass.

Hailing a cab Nate arrived at the Gallery well before eight. Happy that he would not invoke Blair's hatred of tardiness, he slowly wondered around the venue examining the paintings that hung on each wall. Even Nate who new nothing of art thought the exibition looked fantastic. People milled from room to room admiring work, all with drinks in hand. Blair really had out done herself he thought, looking at the elegant decoration and the chandeliers that cascaded from the ceiling gently illuminating the rooms.

"Nate!" A voice called from behind him and he spun around to see the hostess herself smiling happily at him. "Your on time, that's a first."

"It looks great Blair, when does the auction begin." He asked returning her smile. She looked stunning as always. Her dress was a dark blue that flowed to the floor and her hair was up with a few curls framing her face, but what made her truly beautiful was her smile. A smile of true happiness a smile that marked her achievement.

"Oh in about an hour; I have to give me guests time to peruse the work before asking them to buy it. Each room presents a different artist's work. Now go and admire for I expect you to buy at least two pieces, six if you really love me." She laughed gently.

"Six it is" Nate said pulling her into a tight hug and kissing her cheek softly, "Congratulations everything is Blair Perfection"

He smiled up at him, "Now that is a standard worth achieving. But I've got to go and mingle," she pulled herself away from him "apparently Jack Burgon brought Clara Parnell as his date."

"Who and Who" Nate asked in complete confusion.

"There both politicians don't worry your pretty little head about it. However Serena arrived before you she's by the bar last I saw, so there is company for you." She smirked

"Oh yea Serena." He remembered what had happened earlier and decided he should talk to her about it how could they be the perfect couple with out trust.

Something of his discontentment must have appeared on his face because Blair asked in a worried voice "Nate…."

But before she could continue strong arms wrapped around her waist and a voice whispered "You look ravenous" Blair smiled and turned to see Chuck, clasping her hands around his neck and beamed up at him.

Nate walked away, leaving them to have their tender moment in peace. Instead he made his way to the bar hoping to see his favourite blonde. It took him longer than expected to find Serena as he kept stopping to make polite conversation to Blair's guests pretending on more than on occasions that he had a clue who they where. But at last he caught sight of glimmering hair and knew it could only be her.

"Hi you" He smiled coyly at her

"Hi" she beamed at him before quickly pulling him in for a passionate kiss. Nate touched her face breathless "You look beautiful"

"Thank you, Blair helped with the dress."

Nate frowned "Yea, Serena about that I want to ask.."

"Oh Nate" Serena squealed as a bell chimed "The auction is starting, and I promised Blair I would present with her. Wish me luck" She called as she hurried away from him.

"Good luck" Nate called knowing that she couldn't hear him.

He made his way to the grande hall marvelling at how glorious it looked and took a seat by his mother. "Hello Nathaniel" she said gently squeezing his hand. She opened her mouth as if she wanted to continue talking but fell silently when she noticed Blair and Serena where on stage and the speeches where about to begin.

Nate looked up at the stage smiling happily when he registered how blissful Blair seemed. Beaming at her audition she talked of how pleased she was that they could all attend. It was obvious to Nate that she was in her element hundreds of people starring at her, standing above them all on her own stage.

"She looks beautiful up their" He heard his mother whisper before he turned his attention back to the stage "You're a lucky man Nate."

"Yea" he breathed "Chuck is."

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So was it okay? Should I continue because there is a story behind this but if its crap I wont write it. Reviews make me happy.

Thanks for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey thank you so much for the reviews they made me smile so much.

And special thanks to Guardian Izz for the giant comment it was really kind. To answer your issue with my using Ann if im honest I used her because she was the only person I could think of.

Anyways here's chapter two I hope its not a disappointment.

Btw for my Blair never went to NYU because frankly I hated Blair there so she was always at Columbia. That's all and I hope you enjoy.

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Nate and Serena where lying naked in bed their limbs entwined the sheets had been cast of hours ago. Yes sex with Serena had always been energetic to say the least, passion had never been lacking between them. Serena head rested on Nate's bare chest as he stroked her hair gently smiling down at her. Serena turned her head so she faced him and returned his smile. She brushed her lips softly against his before leading a trail of kisses down to abdomen.

"Last night was amazing," she breathed against his stomach.

"Well thank you. I stretched in preparation," he said laughing

Serena laughed gaily, "No I wasn't about that, though it was fantastic" she slapped his chest playfully. "I was talking about the auction, Blair was in her element."

"She definitely was" Nate said grinning broadly. "But I was going to ask you about yesterday actually."

"What?" she asked continuing to kiss him lower and lower.

"What where you doing during the day"

"I told you hanging out with Blair."

Nate placed his hand under Serena's chin attempting to make her look at him. "But you weren't Blair was at the gallery all day."

"Does it matter right now?" she said kissing him on his most sensitive area.

"Yes it does! Jesus Serena sex does answer everything."  
"Fine okay," she said sitting up and pressing herself against him, "I just wanted a day to myself, away from everything."

"Serena get off, why couldn't you just be honest with me. I get needing space. You should need time to be you. Why couldn't you just tell me"?

"I went to see Carter," she almost whispered.

"What! But Why?" he shouted pushing her off him.

"Nate" she clutched at his arm "he asked to me to come it was nothing."

"If it was nothing, you wouldn't have felt the need to lie about it." He spat wrenching his arm out her grip, getting out of bed and grabbing a pair of boxers.

"Nate" Serena said climbing out of the bed and placing her arms around his neck, "Listen".

"No you listen you can be so selfish some times" He pulled himself out of her grasp before seizing some jeans and T-shirt and making for the door.

"Where are you going" Serena called.

"To pick up Blair I promised to take her to Columbia to day." And with that he slammed the door in her face.

Serena stood there shocked for once her incredible body had failed her. She hadn't been able to use sex to get what she wanted.

When Nate reached Blair's he was still in a fowl mood almost kicking a man who had been standing in his way outside Blair's building. But he couldn't help but smile when he saw the brunette stomp down her stairs and stride purposely towards him.

"Nate you know I hate surprises!"

"Don't worry your going to love this one," he said grinning to himself.

"Does it involve diamonds" he shock his head, "Hmm do you have some scandalous news that I can use to blackmail someone?" He laughed loudly but again shock his head.

"Then it doesn't sound like I am going to love it"

"O you just wait"

"I'm scared"

"Oh come on," he said pushing her out the door, "You'll find out soon enough."

"O god its charity work isn't it"

"Blair stop guessing, just wait and see"

"I'm just saying poor people scare me!" Nate laughed before pulling her away from a cab

"Nope we are walking"

They walked along in silence for a few minutes before Blair asked, "What's wrong Nate"

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, I've known you since the age of four, I know how you look when something is bothering you. Now do you want me to bully it out of you."

Nate laughed she new him too well, but said in a much quieter tone "Me and Serena aren't so happy."

Blair sighed took his hand and squeezed it tightly, "Go on"

"I don't know, I think I thought that when me and her finally got together things would be perfect, that we would be perfect. But its not." Letting out a sigh to match Blair's he said, "she went to see Carter yesterday"

"Eww why" Blair asked.

"I didn't ask, I just got so mad. To be honest I just ran out."

"I understand but I still think you should talk to her about it, I mean until you know what happened how are you going to know what to do. You might be worrying over nothing." Blair said rubbing his hand with her thumb.

"But she lied to me Blair."

"I know she can be self absorbed at times, but she's not cruel, find out what happened, and until you can talk to her it will be my job to distract you. I'll even feed the poor." She said shuddering.

"Well on that note" he said gesturing to sign right in front of them "We are here"

"The SUBWAY!" Blair screamed making several passers by jump. "Hell no, I choose the poor."

"You promised" Nate said smiling in triumph.

Blair actually stamped her foot, "Fine but you will be punished for this,"  
The ride to school was not quiet, Blair moaned almost constantly insulting everyone standing near them, she had refused to sit down. At one point the train had halted rather abruptly and causing her to fall into him clutching to him for support. Nate couldn't help but notice the fluttering in the pit stomach as she clung to him, and how it he felt a twinge of pain when her hands left him.

"See that wasn't so bad, was it" Nate said as they climbed the stairs out of Subway once they had reached Columbia's stop.

"Hm yea it was great. Apart from that man who didn't take his eyes of my arse. The other guy who kept squeezing himself and then sniffing his fingers and the lady that looked like she might just have escaped from jail. It was a blast."

"Stop complaining," he laughed placing a hand over her mouth. "I promised one day I would take you on the subway."

"Eww take that hand off me, you touched the poles in the peasant in wagon."

"Fine" he laughed. "Come on we are going to be late" he pushed her gently through the gate marking the entrance of Columbia.

The next time Nate saw Blair was three days later at Columbia's winter ball, since then he had talked to Serena and she had explained to him that Carter had only wanted to talk about her father. Now he was attempting to find Blair in the large crowd wanting to ask her advise about it, he finally noticed her sitting at a table with Chuck. They where laughing happily together, Chuck seemed to whispering something in Blair ear, that made her giggle and Nate angry.

Ignoring the part of his brain that telling him to leave them in peace, Nate forged his way through the crowd and joined their table.

"Nathaniel you look more melancholy than usual." Chuck observed.

"Nate always glum Chuck, its part of his charm" Blair said smiling.

"Yes but today it looks like their maybe something behind the frown."

Nate sat there silently allowing them to analysis him he only made a noise when Blair, bored of his sullen face, stood up and addressing him directly said "Come on, dance with me. Watching you attempt to keep rhythm will make me laugh even if it doesn't amuse you."

"Fine," Nate said, but a grin finally broke over his face when he took her outstretched hand.

"Enjoy yourselves." Chuck called.

Placing his hands on Blair's hips and she clasped her own around his neck as they swayed gently together. She kept him in time.

"So are you going to tell or am I going to have to guess?" she questioned as he spun her around.

Nate looked at her a little confused "What do you mean?"

"Serena," she prompted, "I presume she was the reason you your glum face earlier."

If Nate was being truthfully, which he wasn't plan on being; he had forgotten all about Serena while he had been with Blair.

"Oh yea," he said vaguely. "We talked about Carter" pulling her body unconsciously closer to his he continued, "She said that he had found news of her father. That was what they had been discussing, Serena wanted to know if it would be possible to contact him. "

"And you believe her?" Blair didn't sound accusatory only concerned.

"What choice do I have?"

"True" Blair said understanding what he meant. "She is your fairytale you waited for her for forever, you can't really question it now hey." Giving him a sad smile.

"Thanks Blair I love you, you know that," he whispered.

"I love you too. And I have an idea, why not plan a special evening with Serena? You guys have let the outside world interfere with your relationship too much, so take an evening just the to of you, no Carter no nothing. Just Nate and Serena." Blair said grinning as if she was a genius.

"Sounds good" Nate said looking down at her.

"And for an extra bonus ill take you shopping we can buy a gift for her."

"How is shopping a bonus"

"Because it with me" Blair smiled broadly her eyes twinkling.

"Oh in that case I'm totally sold."

They laughed together and for the next two dances that was all they did enjoying each other's company. Nate felt so free as he spun Blair around watching her stunning figure spin away from him and then come back.

"Mind if I cut in" Nate's face fell slightly as Blair's arms immediately dropped from around his neck and she embraced Chuck instead.

"Took you long enough" Blair said kissing him lightly, "But Nate did an admiral job standing in for you" Chuck smiled and captured her lips with his own tracing the frame of her face with a finger.

"Come on lets show everyone how it's done."

Nate once again walked away from the couple that now seemed utterly oblivious to anyone but themselves.

He tried to pretend that the pain his heart felt was related to Serena's behaviour but he was finding it harder and harder to pull excuses from the air. His wondering eyes fell on Dan, who was sitting alone at a table with drinks in front of him. _Drinks_ Nate thought and made his way over to Dan.

"Dan" he called once in hearing distance.

"Nate" Dan greeted. "I was going to say Hi earlier but you where dancing with Blair."

"Yea" Nate smiled, "She said it was my punishment for looking glum."

Dan laughed "Any reason for the glum attitude"

"Serena." Nate answered semi-truthfully.

"Oh right of course, I understand"

Nate looked at him quizzically.

"Don't forget I dated her for a year, I know how Serena can be. The girl can make you the happiest man alive and the most depressed. Sometimes in the same day" Dan laughed but Nate just looked at him.

"I don't know sometimes I think it's more than that. All I know for certain is that we are one month into our relationship and this is not how I pictured it." Nate sighed and grabbed the glass sitting in front of Dan taking a large gulp.

"Nate" said Dan hesitantly, "Can I ask you something?" Nate nodded in response. "Well how long have you been in love with Serena?"

"Erm" Nate paused, "On and off as long as I can really remember there wasn't a day that I woke up and realised, maybe six years."

"You see, if you want my opinion, maybe over all that time you built her up in your mind to be something that she is not, she became a fantasy."

Nate looked confused so Dan attempted to explain further, "See what I mean is the Serena you have been in love with for so many years is not the actual Serena, but a fantasy that just looked like her. In your head Serena was flawless perfection. So maybe the girl your in love with is not over there." He said gesturing to where Serena stood by the bar Nate hadn't even noticed her. "But in your head and now that you finally have what your fantasy was based on what could she be but a disappointment. Because she is not the girl you have been dreaming of. Does that make sense?"

"It makes way to much sense" Nate replied, "All this time I've been blaming her but it's my fault."

There conversation halted when Vanessa appeared behind Dan, "Hi guys" she said smiling down at both of them, however her smile faltered when she notice the expression on Nate's face. "O I'm sorry have interrupted something."

"Argh" Nate grunted, "Just the revelations of my heart," he looked over at beautiful blond. "I need to get out of here, thanks for the chat Dan. See you Vanessa."

"Anytime mate see you soon" said Dan in a worried tone Vanessa simply smiled weakly at him.

Nate wondered aimlessly of lost in his own thoughts.

"So revelations of Nate's heart" Vanessa said looking intently at Dan, "Does that mean he is finally admitting that he is in love with Blair?"  
"No he didn't" Dan sighed, "One step at a time, all he is admitting to himself is Serena may not be the one."

"God the boy has some serious self delusion issues. I mean I swear I only ever see him smile when he is with Blair. You would think he would realise that Blair is the one that makes him happy."

"But you know Nate, denial is what he does best."

"True but something I know for sure is that when it finally does click for Nate, all hell will break loose elsewhere." She said glancing over at the couple still gliding around the room.

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so what did you guys think I hope you liked it. Reviews make me happy.


	3. Chapter 3

Here is the latest chapter it has a bit of NB and CB to keep everyone happy.

Thank you so much for the reviews they mean so much.

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Chuck was sitting up in bed reading the business section of the paper. Well he was pretending to read, he was in fact far more interested in playing with the lace that covered the delicate areas of the beautiful girl sitting next to him. He gently stroked the soft skin he could feel under the extremely thin lingerie.

Blair looked at him appraisingly "You know ill never get to the end of this book if you persist in arousing me every time I pick it up."

"Is it my fault that I find you irresistible" Chuck purred in her ear. Sending shivers down her shine. Leaning across him she gently grazed her lips against his neck.

"I suppose I could forgive you" she said coyly her breath hot against his neck. "If…"

"If what?" Chuck said breathlessly moving Blair's body so she was lying on him

"If." Blair whispered seductively in his ear. "I get a present." She finished in a completely different tone laughing and tapping his chest expectantly.

Chuck laughed and kissed her, tucking a stray curl behind her ear. "Actually I do have a present for you." He looked a little more uncomfortable as he continued, "I've been meaning to give it to you for awhile, but I wanted to find the right time."  
Blair sat up so she was sitting on Chuck's lap "Sounds intriguing is it eatable"

Chuck shock his head and laughed again, he adjusted Blair so he was able to reach the bedside cabinet, opening it he took out a flat box wrapped expertly.

"Here you go."_ It belongs to you know _he thought.

"How long has that been hidden there" Blair asked fingering the wrapping paper and untying the bow.

"About three weeks why?" Chuck said watching her hands apprehensively.

"Really my snooping skills are not what they….. Chuck" she breathed. "Really I can't take this its yours. I mean it symbolises you."

"Not anymore" Chuck smiled relieved to see how happy Blair looked. "It symbolises the boy I used to be. But I'm not that boy anymore I am so much more because of you."

Blair picked up the scarf gently resting it against her lap. "I love you Chuck Bass"

"I love you Blair Waldorf more than anything. I am not Chuck Bass without you so the scarf's yours if you want it?"

Blair lent down so their faces where almost touching "I love it, it's perfect. And Chuck." She said looking deeply into his eyes.

"Yes" Chuck said.

"I am not Blair Waldorf with out you." She said closing the gap between them.

Nate stood at the bottom of Blair's stairs waiting for her come down so they could find Serena a gift. He had planned the night perfectly, asking for Dan's help, he learnt to cook Wild Mushroom Risotto and he had even cleaned the apartment asking Chuck to vacate for the night. Serena was arriving at 7.30 so he would have time to prepare dinner and now all that was left was to find the gift.

"Hi you" he said as Blair finally walked down.

"Hey" she replied smiling brightly "ready to go?"

"I was ready like thirty minutes ago." He laughed.

"Fine," she said exasperated but still smiling, "Lets go."

"So what kind of gift where you thinking?" She asked as they exited her building.

"Isn't that why I'm bringing you. So you can make all the decisions."

"O thank God. I thought I was going to have to listen to you try and decide all day and pretend to like some hideous thing that you choice, before I took control. You taking a back seat makes this much more fun for me." She said giving him a joking shove with her shoulder.

"Twelve years of experience with Blair Waldorf comes in handy." He said shoving her back.

"Hey Blair wait a second" Nate said noticing for the first time what was around Blair's neck, "Isn't that Chuck's scarf?"

She grinned brightly at him "Yep."  
"But isn't he going to get angry when he realises you borrowed it. I mean it's his trademark. Its sacred to him." Nate asked curiously.

"You would have thought so, but no. It was a present from him. I guess he wanted to show that what I meant to him. That he was ready and happy to give up those playboy days for me." Blair answer looking almost giddy with happiness.

Nate didn't speak for awhile letting what Blair had just told him sink in. He knew what that scarf meant to Chuck, he had lost his virginity wearing it. It was the symbol of what Chuck Bass was. Giving it to Blair meant that she meant more to Chuck than his reputation more to him than anything. For some reason this did not make Nate happy the opposite in fact. He felt his insides twist with anger and possibly jealousy what right did Chuck have to mark Blair in this way. A small part of his brain told him that the jester meant much more than that, but Nate's unfounded anger squashed it. Blair shouldn't be wearing the mark of some boy….. unless it was his.

He shook his head trying to rid it of such absurd thoughts. Luckily for him Blair hadn't notice she seemed far more interested in the shop window of Tiffany's.

"Come on Nate" Blair said pulling at his arm. "I want to see them up close."

As soon as they entered the shop Blair's eyes glazed over as if she had entered Heaven. Nate was well aware that in these brief moments Blair felt that she could truly be Audrey Hepburn. He watched her wonder off to examine the jewellery Nate was left admiring her delicate form and the way her hips swayed from side to side.

"Nate" Blair called waking him from his daze, "What do you think of these." She said pointing at a pair of diamond earrings. "There are elegant, but maybe not Serena's style?"

"Hmm, I don't know." Nate said completely out of his depth, "Isn't this why you're here, no I mean your just better at this sort of stuff," he said back tracking looking at Blair's offended face, smiling as it soften.

"Nice save Nate." She said laughing

"Would you like to try them on," a sales assistant said as she approached the beautiful couple. "They are stunning aren't they."

"Yes" Blair agreed "But they aren't for me, would you be alright with me trying them on to get an idea what they look like."

"Yea of course. Go ahead" Nate said gesturing at the earrings.

The sales assistant took the small box that held the earring out of the glass cabinet and passed it to Blair and she placed them in gently.

"O" Blair gasped, "They look so beautiful on."

Nate had to admit the way the captured the light and sparkled against it was pretty. But was nothing to the way Blair's deep brown eyes sparkled with joy.

"Nate" Blair nudged him waiting for his response, she's beautiful he thought.

"Perfect" he answered.

She poked him gently smiling "Your not even looking at them."

"Wh-what" Nate stammered trying to shake the thoughts that where consuming him.

"You don't like them" she asked quizzically.

"No their great" he said trying to cover for his distracted mind, "But maybe not exactly Serena."

"Hmm your right they are more Blair Waldorf than Serena Van deWoodsen. Come on then" she said handing the earrings back to the sales assistant, "lets try a different shop, I hope you know its going to be a long day."

Just as they where exiting something caught Blair's eye and she let out a low gasp. She let go of Nate's arm and stood staring at a necklace displayed in a cabinet next to the door.

"What is it" Nate asked, worried that something had upset her.

She smiled a wistful smile, "It just like the necklace Chuck got me for my seventeenth, its almost identical."

"Wasn't that supposed to be a gift from me" Nate asked shifting his weight uneasily.

"Yea but you where to busy with Jenny to remember" she said laughing hit him gently on the arm.

Nate took her hand and looked at her directly. "Blair I know I have said it before but Im so sorry for my behaviour if I could take back the past, I would."

"Nate" Blair smiled sadly, "regret is pointless mistakes can't be undone, plus we both made them and they lead us to the people we where meant to be with."

Nate tried to smile at her but all he could think was the he totally disagreed. His mistake weren't leading him the perfect woman rather driving him away.

Nate arrived home later than he had originally intended, he had meant to give himself an hour before Serena arrived, enough time to make dinner and set up the house. But he was having so much fun with Blair he had forgotten all about the time.

He quickly started dinner and chucked the flowers he had brought into a vase. Serena arrived and the night began. When Nate looked back he realised that this night proved something to him, he and Serena where perfect on the outside, but on the outside alone. Their conversation dragged and each kept trying to fill the awkward silences with meaningless dialogue. Serena told him about her day, he told her about his. But nothing was easy between them. Was Serena still anxious about his reaction to Carter he wondered? Or had it always been this way between them but Nate was too blinded by her long legs to notice.

After dinner Serena went to the bedroom and called him in five minutes later. She was lying on his bed merely wearing a pink negligee. Why pink he thought of all colours? She reminded him so much of Blair the night he had broken her delicate heart. The night he had lost her forever and now ever so poetically that night had come back to haunt him. He sat down on the bed looking at Serena had he ever truly loved her he wondered, he didn't think so. Merely the idea of what she might have been. The girl he had scarified so much for finally lay before him ready to give him everything he desired. And he didn't want her.

Serena sat up and slid so she was next to him lacing her finger with his own. She knew something was wrong tonight wasn't the romantic evening they had both envisioned. Nate looked at her wondering if history was repeating itself, was he about to break the heart of another. But had Serena's heart ever him his, he didn't think so. She was like breeze on a summer's day sensational but never attainable. If you tried to catch her, the mystery would be spoiled, so let he would let go, it was time. It was time he stopped denying what his heart truly wanted.

He looked at the girl sitting next to "Serena, I..." he swallowed hard. "We need to talk"

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So what do you think. Im sorry there was no Serena Nate conversation, but I actually really don't like her and its easier to make Nate just think about everything.

I hope you liked it. Reviews make me happy and the this story continue

Thanks for reading.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry about the wait for this chapter. I was busy failing my driving test. The joy. So anyway I hope that you enjoy this chapter as much as the rest

To answer some of the issues with Venessa and Dan being pro Dair. It was meant to highlight how it was obvious Nate's love for Blair is.

There isn't a lot on NB interaction in this chapter its more about Nate realising what he feels.

Okay Enjoy

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Nate was out early on Monday morning, it was the day after he had ended things with Serena and he really wanted to try and clear his head. He jogged through Central Park reliving the pervious nights events. Serena had listened to him telling her he was unhappy and something about them wasn't right. He had told her that he needed space to be himself, to figure some stuff out. He had infact had used the clichéd bollocks that everyone says when breaking up with someone. He had obviously avoided telling her the main reason they couldn't work, was because he had much deeper feeling for her best friend.

God he was so messed up.

He shook his head trying to untangle the thoughts that seemed so jumbled in his mind. His pace slowed and finally he stood still breathing heavily with his eyes closed, what was wrong with him. Opening his eyes he scanned his surroundings smiling as he realised where his feet had taken him.

Had it really been over a year since he had stood here with Blair the loaf of bread lying forgotten at their feet. It felt like only yesterday to him. Wondered if she remembered that day as clearly as he did, probably not. Nate sighed to himself as he walked to closer to the water, that day and those proceeding it had been the best of his life, the most happy and carefree, how was it possible he didn't see this until now. Suddenly a great wave of pain swept across him as he stood there lost in memories and thoughts of what could have been.

He had to get out of there, he started to run again, running faster than he had ever done in his life trying to escape the memories of Blair that where flooding his brain. Trying to out run the realisation that was threatening to overwhelm. Could this be possible. Did he love Blair… No he couldn't Blair was his friend….Just a friend….O God this was all so messed up.

He needed to talk to someone. Someone that wouldn't judge him. He quickly hailed a cab and gave the driver Dan's address.

Twenty minutes later the Cab pulled up outside the loft and Nate jumped out handing the guy the fare. He knocked on Dan's door breathing heavily, still trying to calm himself and figure out what he was going to say.

But when the door swung up open it was Vanessa standing in front of him.

"Geeze Nate you could have showered." She laughed taking in his rather sweaty appearance.

"O right" Nate said a little embarrassed. "Erm is Dan in."

"No, he had a morning lecture. I stayed the night" she said in answer to the quizzical look Nate was giving her.

"Okay" Nate said turning to leave disappointed he would have to wait until later to talk to Dan.

"Nate you alright" Vanessa asked noticing his distressed face.

"Yea, yea im fine," Nate sighed leaning his head against the door frame and closing his eyes.

"Want to talk?" she asked giving him a look of concern. But he didn't answer her, he merely stood in the door refusing to move. Vanessa sighed mentally kicking herself for what she was about to do, "Is it about Blair?"

Nate eyes flew open, "What" he spluttered.

"Come in." she said opening the door wider, "Sit down" she ordered.

She searched in the fridge and dug out a bottle of water handing it to Nate as he sat down on the sofa feeling suddenly exhausted. After sitting together in silence for several minutes Vanessa finally said "So Nate. you talk and ill listen."

He sighed rubbing his temples, "Don't ask me when it started but recently I've been having these feelings for Blair, but I don't know what to do about them. Maybe I've been ignoring them for so long because I know that if I admit them I'm going to destroy two of the most important friendships in my life. What's wrong with me? I shouldn't feel this way about my best friends girl friend. But maybe that's it I like her because I cant have her."

"Does it feel like that?"

Nate shock his head. "Nope it feels nothing like that. I get this feeling every time I see her like she fulfils me. When I see her face for an instant, before my brain kicks in and reminds me that Blair isn't mine, I am completely and utterly happy."

Vanessa placed her hand on Nate's shoulder, "Want to hear what I think?"

Nate nodded, "Well Lord knows I am not Blair's biggest fan, but when you're around her your different Nate. Trying to talk to you when she's near is almost impossible because your just not listening, all you do is stare at her. And Nate if your honest these feelings aren't recent you just buried them."

Nate frowned at her, "What do you mean?"

"Nate you loved her so much last year, you willing to sacrifice your friendship with Chuck screw me over just to be with her, and then when you guys broke up you acted like you where over her in like three days. That's not how it happens Nate. Love takes longer to get over and you never gave yourself that time to get over her you just jumped straight back into another relationship. And then another. And then another..

"Okay I get the point" Nate tried to smile "I am a man whore."

"Not exactly my point. My point was actually feelings like the ones you had for Blair don't just go away over night. Have you ever noticed that Blair is the only girl you have ever dated that you said "_I love you_" to. Not to me. Not to Jenny."

"I said it to Serena"

"Hmm and look where that got you." Nate frowned at her again, "O come on did you really think that news like you guys splitting up wouldn't travel fast, I suspect the whole of New York knows by now."  
Nate sighed placing his head in hands sometimes he hated living in this city.

"Nate what I mean is that you gave Blair your heart and then when you guys broke up you acted as if it didn't even hurt, Im just guessing here but I think that you just buried the pain and your feelings for her hoping that someday they would go away. But it doesn't work that way Nate. It was going to resurface at some point. And I suppose that its all coming to a head now because of Serena. I mean she was meant to the one wasn't she?"

Nate looked at her tears forming at the corners of his eyes and simply nodded.

"But Serena wasn't right was she and that made you question everything. The problem with questions is that they bring up a lot of answers that maybe you didn't want to hear." She finished looking at over at the boys whose face was a picture of fear and pain.

"What am I suppose to do now."

"That's up to you Nate are your feelings strong enough that they are worth risking everything for."

Nate rubbed his eyes attempting to remove the tears subtly, "She's my everything Vanessa. I love her in more than just one way. What if I royally screw things up."

Vanessa grimaced at him "I think it's a little too late for that." Nate gave a hollow laugh, "Just don't do anything to quickly Nate because it's not only your own feelings your risking here."

Nate almost growled in frustration and got to his feet shuddering under the weight of realisations.

"Sorry I didn't mean to be so blunt." Vanessa said getting to her feet as well.

"Don't be someone needed to say out loud." Nate said giving her a light squeeze before heading towards the door.

Nate spent the Cab ride back to his and Chuck's apartment lost in his own musing. Wondering whether he should even consider telling Blair or whether he should avoid her for a while in hopes of getting over her.

The water splashed across his face and tumbled down his body, breathing life back into his shot limbs. He didn't know if it was the run of the extreme emotional strain of his and Vanessa talk, but somewhere along the line his body had begun to feel exhausted. He stood quietly letting the water wash some of the stress away.

Ten minutes later he pulled a towel around his waist; climbed out of the shower and walked to his room. He had successfully managed to avoid Chuck since returning home he didn't think he could face his best friend right now. Grabbing a pair of boxers and a T-Shirt he lay back on his bed letting sleep carry away all his confusion.

He woke up an hour later and grunted in frustration wanting to go back to sleep. But the loud knocking noise that had woken him was not ceasing. He moaned and shuffled towards the apartment door. He hoped to God it wasn't Serena. He didn't think he could cope right now if it was, but it wasn't.

"Oh hi." Blair said with a tone of ice. She walked around him without waiting to be invited in.

"Blair what did I do" Nate said worried Vanessa would never have told her would she.

"I am not here to see you Nate, amazingly enough I am here to see Chuck," giving him a trademark Waldorf glare. "I am not speaking to you."

"What did I do" Nate said confused would she really be angry even if she did know.

"What did you do, you dumped my best friend that's what you did. You guys where perfect, we brought her a present just yesterday. What happened did you get bored. You made her cry Nate, and you know Serena, she never cries."  
Nate wanted to breathe a sigh of relief but looking at Blair's angry face he probably shouldn't. "Blair.." But she wasn't listening to him she continued to rant and rave under her breath. "Blair" he said louder taking he hand and forcing her to look at him. "Me and Serena where not perfect. I know everyone thought we would be but we just weren't. I didn't break up with her intending to make her unhappy I just thought it would be better to drawing our relationship out and ruining any chance of salvaging our friendship."

Blair still looked angry but her eyes softened, "Blair please don't be mad at me. I couldn't take that right now…. Scrap now I couldn't ever take it. I know your Serena's best friend but your also mine so please don't by angry with me for doing something that I thought was right."

"Argghh fine" she said, "But your lucky that I'm a sucker for compliments."

He laughed gently pulling her into a hug. His nose was tucked into her neck, he closed his eyes and breathed in the smell of her hair, letting himself believe for one moment that she has his again. He didn't notice another figure enter the room. If he had he would have notice the sour look playing across Chuck's face. He would have also known that his secret was no longer his own.

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Okay so I don't really like this chapter but t tried. Its just really hard to write about Nate's feelings without sounding really corny.

Anyway next chapter Chuck confronts Nate and serious drama with ensue.

Thank you so much for reading please review.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry about the length this has taken me. But ive just been dealing with a bit of stuff.

Anyways thank you so much for all the reviews they really keep this story going. And as for all the people that think my interest is dwinderling it is not, I love writing this story I just hope you like reading it.

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Chuck pulled the brunette closer to him inhaling her scent allowing his senses to become immersed in her. The feeling that was kneading at his stomach eased while he held Blair so close to him. The feeling had been growing ever since he had seen Nate face as he stared at _his _girlfriend. Chuck couldn't explain it and maybe he was just being paranoid but Chuck recognised the way Nate looked at Blair, because it was the way he looked at Blair. He understood the hideous feeling in his gut was a warning telling him that his all too good life was about to chew him up and spit him out.

How could he have been so naïve as to believe the love triangle from hell might have been left in highschool. That Nate might have left the past where it belonged and been man enough to move on. A tiny voice him that he had hardly been an innocent in that past. But why now Chuck wondered life was finally good everyone had got what they wanted hadn't they?….

Chuck's mussing where interrupted by Blair leaning back slightly so that her forehead pressed against his cheek. She did love _him_ right? Blair had always wanted Chuck Bass. Chair was destiny everybody knew that.

"She left you for Nate once," the voice said again.

But that was years ago. Blair loved Chuck hadn't she fought for him, fought for the decent human being inside him that only she knew was there.

Absentmindedly he kissed her forehead, she was with him now and that was what matter.

"You alright?" Blair asked startling Chuck.

"Yea Im fine" he answered kissing her forehead again.

"You seem a million miles away tonight"

"I've got stuff on my mind, that's all" predicting Blair's question he continued, "Nothing but boring business contracts."

Blair snuggled back pushing herself closer to Chuck.

"Everything will be fine your too good for anything else to happen."

Chuck smiled at her appreciatively, he loved her confidence in him.

"Blair are you happy" he choked the words out.

"Of course" she answer, "Why do you ask?"

"I've never been happier" Chuck said and Blair smiled widely. "Even though I have never felt more vulnerable" he ploughed on, "Your in my heart Blair Waldorf and I never want you leave. I want you to know that no matter what the future might bring I'll always love you. You make feel invincible."

"Chuck your not ill are you? You are not going to die" Blair said her eyes looking directly at his.

"I wasn't planning on it" Chuck laughed.

"Well no more worrying about what the future will bring."

Chuck nodded giving her a reassuring him trying extremely hard to follow her advise.

Nate sat on his bed staring at his phone the word Blair sat on the screen. Blair. Blair. Blair. The word was echoing in his mind filling his every thought even when she wasn't around he couldn't avoid her. It was like she part of him; etched into his being and never to be removed. Should he call her, he wondered whether being around her was the best idea, he shouldn't, couldn't betray Chuck and tell how he felt. But every time he saw her he felt the words rise up in his chest and threaten to spill out of his mouth. Obviously his feelings for her where uncontrollable, so surely it would be for the best to just avoid her and hope for the best. But how could he cut her out of his life, he hadn't seen her for three days and he already felt hollow and broken without her company. She made him whole someone how giving his life meaning. God he sounded cheesy but was just what he felt and there was no point in denying it.

His phone started to vibrate making him jump. The name Blair began to flash up again.

Summoning all the courage he had and trying extremely hard to keep his voice calm he answered her call. "Hi Blair"

"O Nathaniel it is nice to see you finally understand which button to press when answering a call." Her tone curt but Nate could tell she wasn't really mad.

"Yea sorry Blair I been busy lately."

"What too busy for me" she said faking a hurt voice.

"You know I'll never be too busy for you" I love you he thought.

"Well in that case are you up for drinks tonight at the Castle. I feel like drinking somewhere else in than the Empire much to Chuck's distaste."

"O so Chuck's coming" Nate said disappointed not to be alone with Blair then again maybe it was a good thing.

"Yes I figured we could have a couple of drinks then maybe go to a club. I feel like being young for a night. Sometimes I swear we missed out on being teenagers." She laughed hoping to make Nate smile.

"Yea that sounds good" Nate said slowly banging his head on his bedroom wall. What was he doing.

"Good, then I'll meet you there at around eight."

"Yep okay I'll be there." Nate said still banging his head.

"Okay bye, love you" Blair said and hung up.

I love you too Nate thought, slowly closing his phone, more than you could possibly imagine.

Nate arrived at the Castle feeling extremely nervous, Chuck wasn't stupid what if he noticed a difference in him. Nate was shit at acting casual and he knew it would look ridiculously if he choice never to look at Blair. Of course it would have been easier to cancel, but Blair was impossible to say no to, and her missed her, missed her so much it ached inside his chest. Not talking for three days to her had been exceptionally painful something he had not been anticipating.

Walking through the large glass doors Blair caught his attention instantaneously, she looked so elegant in a dress that showed rather a lot of leg and sipping a cocktail.

It took Nate a few moments to register that she was alone and by that time he was already by her side.

"Hey you" he said bending down to kiss her cheek feeling shivers run up his spine as he did.

"Hello." She smiled broadly at him and gestured to the seat opposite her. "How are you, you don't look well."

Nate ruffled his hair anxiously he hadn't been sleeping well recently and he knew that his appearance was showing the consequences, "Im fine, just having some trouble sleeping. Where is Chuck?" He asked trying to distract her.

"Oh he will be here any minute, he just got help up in a meeting." Aware that he was attempting to avoid something; but unsure whether to pressure him into telling her.

"So what is good to drink here?" Nate asked still trying to avoid Blair's eyes.

"Well this is a Long Island Ice Tea" she said pointing at her own drink, "I love them, mainly because they have five different shots of alcohol." She laughed, "But I ordered a bottle of champagne for the table."

"Are we celebrating" Nate asked surprised.

"Well not really, but our first year of Culmbia is almost done, lets drink to an entire year with almost no drama." She said smiling and gesturing to a waiter, Nate laughed a hollow false laugh. No drama he thought, why did he have to screw everything up.

When their flutes of champagne arrived he sat starring at the bubbly liquid without ever really seeing it.

"Nate what's wrong," looking at Blair's worried face Nate could tell it wasn't a casual question.

"Nothing it's just I have stuff on my mind." He said knotting his hand together trying hard to look in her deep dark eyes. He felt if he raised his head and looked at her he wouldn't be able to stop himself telling her everything he felt. It would just come pouring out.

"Like what? Serena?" Nate smiled _if only_ the thought, life would be a lot simpler if that was the case. He shock his head.

"Well then what?" Blair asked taking his hand and looking directly into his eyes.

It was excruciating he wanted to tell her so badly, he wanted nothing more than to take her hand kiss and it place over his heart. Tell her that he loved her, he had never stopped only buried the feelings. But….

"Sorry I'm late." A voice spoken from behind them, "But it looks like you have been having fun without me." Blair slipped her hand out of Nate's and stood up to hug Chuck. He then took the seat next to her pouring himself a glass of champagne refusing to look at Nate.

The night slowly darken as the three friends sat together slipping the most expensive champagne the house had. Blair spoke most of the time chattering on about who she was planning to take down and how. Nate added to her conversation frequently, asking her questions and laughing at her absurdity. Chuck however sat back from the conversation paying far more attention to the way Nate's eyes constantly flitting around the room, as if trying to look bored. But Nate was listening to every word Blair said and every time he did catch Blair's eyes his lingered there a little too long.

"So Nate how are you feeling after Serena" Chuck asked completely cutting over Blair's and Nate's conversation.

"O" Nate faltered and Chuck raised his eyebrows, "I'm obviously sad, it'll take time but ill be okay."

"Why did you break up with her again?" Chuck asked examining Nate's face closely.

"Erm," Nate responded clearly uncomfortable. "I just thought that it was time. I don't think we where as perfect as everybody thought we would be." Blair gave Nate a sad smile. "Look I think I am going to get a another drink." Nate said standing.

As he watched Nate leave Chuck thought that he was indeed a terrible liar.

"Chuck why did you have to bring up Serena, he is obviously still upset about her." Blair said angrily.

"Trust me" Chuck replied standing, "It's not Serena who is on his mind.

Leaving Blair confused he headed after Nate.

Nate sat at the bar worrying, he should get out of there, Chuck knew something was up and he couldn't risk him discovering the truth.

"Its funny isn't it," Chuck said standing behind him, "How we can never really escape the past."

Nate laughed nervously, "What do you mean."

"Don't act dumb Nate, its tedious." Chuck tone was like ice.

"I.. I don't know what you mean," Nate stuttered terrified that Chuck already knew his greatest secret.

"How long" Chuck simply stated.

Nate looked him still terrified was unsure of what to say. But Chuck's next words made it all to clear, "How long have you been in love with Blair."

Nate couldn't deny it even if he had wanted to, Chuck always saw when someone was lying. And really was there any point in denying it anymore.

"I don't think I ever stopped not since we where in Senior Year."

"Right"

Nate wanted Chuck to yell at him or punch him, something anything would be better than the cold distant expression in Chuck's eyes. Chuck's friendship had meant everything to him and here he was destroying it.

"Look I didn't mean for it to happen I wasn't even aware of my feelings until recently. I promise I'll never act on them, I'll avoid Blair if you need me to." Nate stopped to draw breath and then went rambling on trying to say everything, anything that would make Chuck look at him, "It was just, when I was with Serena things seemed so wrong and I didn't know why and then I spoke to Dan and Vanessa, they explained things, gave me a different perspective. I saw how much Blair meant to me, how that somewhere along the line our friendship had turned into something more for me. But I promise you Chuck I'll never tell her. I'll bury my feelings until they have gone completely. Please, Please just don't hate me" finishing in a whisper Nate looked up and saw that Chuck was finally looking at him.

"I don't hate you." Chuck words where simple but they failed to translate in Nate's brain.

"You, you don't" Nate asked shocked and Chuck shook his head, "But why?"

Chuck chuckled at "Well it would be highly hypercritical if I didn't," he smiled sadly at Nate's expression, "Don't get me wrong I am angry, really angry. But I don't hate you. After all I once stole Blair from you, and I had feelings for her the whole time you where dating her in Senior Year. She a hard woman to get over, is Blair Waldorf." Nate nodded in agreement but was still stunned how could Chuck be so generous. "I just want to ask you something and you should think about it. You love Blair despite all her weird flaws and mistakes." Nate nodded once again thinking of how much he could over look those flaws if he was allowed to have her. "Well" Chuck continued, "I love her because of them I don't need her to change she is perfect in my eyes just the way she is."

With that Chuck stood and left Nate alone at the bar pondering his words.

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Well I hope you liked it.

The story isn't much longer about another two chapters. So I really hope you liked this and be lovely and review. Thank you for reading


	6. Chapter 6

Hi there guys. First of I am so so sorry about the huge delay on this chapter. My compture got a virus and it wiped it dry. So this is the second time I've written it. I am really sorry if you have waited for it. I really hope it doesn't disappoint you. And now ill stop talking so you can read it.

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Nate sat watching the ducks peck away at the bread he had just thrown to them, wishing his mind just focus on them for a minute allowing him a moments piece from the thoughts threatening to flood his brain. Memories where flowing in to his mind, memories of a day long ago when he stood on the same spot with a beautiful girl and he felt for once like he wasn't alone.

He had moved out of Chuck's apartment three weeks ago, Chuck had done his best not to make it awkward but something had snapped between them. Nate had broken an unspoken rule and he doubted whether the damaged could ever truly be repaired. However Chuck like a true best friend had not betrayed Nate's secret. Blair was the same brutal, honest, witty, sarcastic beauty whenever he saw her, her behavior to him had not changed. He wanted to cry with frustration remembering the simplicity of that perfect day, when did everything become so complicated.

Chuck was reading the newspaper or rather he was pretending to read while his mind was fixed or far more worrying matters than the stock market. He was merely starring at the typed words hoping that in them he would find some sort of answers. Terrifying questioning kept creeping into his mind, every time Blair left the room he would begin to panic; wondering whether the next time he saw her she would be leaving him for his best friend. He felt Blair's body next to his own and tried to gain some reassurance for it. If it had been any other boy Chuck would have drummed him out of Manhattan destroying his social reputation and reducing him to a sniveling wreck. But it wasn't just any body, it was his best friend; the only person Chuck had trusted for years, the only person that had given him sanctuary from his miserable home. Chuck would not, could not betray him.

"Chuck!" Blair said very loudly, "are you even listening to me?"

"Hm sorry what?" Chuck replied realizing that she must have been talking for awhile without him even noticing.

"Chuck" she said disgruntled.

"Sorry Blair what was it you where saying. I promise I'm listening." he said trying to calm her.

"What is it Chuck" she asked in a much softer tone.

"What is what?" Chuck said confused.

"Don't play dumb it doesn't suit you. What's happened, whats been distracting you so much lately. Your different recently like something is upsetting you. Tell me Chuck maybe I can help you."  
Chuck laughed at the irony of her statement. "It's nothing Blair."

"Don't lie to me Chuck I know something is going on. Nate moved out for a reason.." Chuck winced at the mention for Nate's name. "Stop shutting me out, I want to be there for you."

"Blair please just drop it." sighed Chuck knowing he could never tell her.

Blair was almost crying due to her frustration. "Chuck please be brave let me in, I wont hurt you, I promise."

"I wish I could tell you Blair, I do" Chuck said emotion breaking his voice. "But I can't"

"Why not"

"Because, because it's not my secret to tell." he said defeated.

Blair shook her head looking so hurt it broke Chucks heart. "I need some air" she said getting to her feel.

As she opened the door Chuck called out to her, "Blair I." but she was already gone.

He sensed her before he saw her. But then again he could not be sure it was actually her, Blair's face appeared so often in his dreams he was often fooled into believing she was with him. However when he opened his eyes she was always gone fading into the air like some ghostly spirit. On this occasion he kept his eyes shut unwilling to open them on to reality.

"You know sleeping on benches is reserved for either the very desperate or extremely ill. You Nathaniel are neither."

Nate started at her words opening his eyes and looking directly into hers. "Your actually here" he said dazedly,

Blair kinked her eyebrow in confusion, "Well that's rather cryptic. Ugh your not drunk are you it's 11 in the morning."

Nate mentally shook himself, "Sorry the brain is a little foggy," he smiled trying to reassure her of his sanity. "Meant to say how are you?"

Blair merely shrugged and sat down next to him rather dejectedly. "That bad hey" Nate questioned pulling her closer to him, "Whats Chuck done this time?"

Frown lines creased her forehead "Chuck," she let the word echo in the silence around them before continuing "hes keeping something from me." She shook her head, "Something has happened and he will not tell about it. There has got to be a reason you moved out."she looked at him but didn't seem to expect an answer, "Whether it explains the alteration in Chuck, I don't know. But hes been distant with me for a while now, sometimes I think hes scared of me!" She breathed in a shaky breath looking away from Nate as she continued. "I know its stupid Nate but something is effecting him and he wont let me in, he won't let me help. I hate it when he closes of from me, I'm worried he feels likes he alone and he not alone. But every time I ask about it, he says something backwards that doesn't make sense. This time he said its not his secret to tell." At Blair's last words Nate felt a huge wave of guilt wash over him and he barely heard what Blair said next. "But if that's true why would it affect him so greatly."

She looked back at him searching his eyes for an answer. Nate looked away unable to meet her penetrating gaze. When did it happen he wondered, when did his self assured, arrogant, womanizing best friend become the better man. Nate had believed for years he was the moral backbone of the group of friends. He'd never really noticed that they where all growing up around him' leaving him behind.

Letting out a deep breath Nate said, "Blair, Chuck would never do anything to hurt you if he didn't have to. He loves you Blair, so trust him let him come to you when he is ready."  
Blair wrinkled her nose, "Yea because patience has always been a strong of mine."

Nate laughed pulling her into a hug, "You'll be alright" he said trying to reassure her.

She smiled "I know Blair Waldorf always survives." she eyes wandered over the ducks smiling to herself. "So why are you here?"  
"What do you mean?" Nate asked uncomfortably.

"Well this is my place to think, plot, scheme, you know, be my evil self. So why are you here?"

"Maybe I needed to think too."

"And you came here?" She asked laughing, "Are you trying to steal my peaceful place.

He smiled. "No it just reminds me of a happier time." Blair looked at him urging him to continue. "That day we stood here and kissed was one of the best of my life Blair, we no real problems, it was just a simple moment of happiness. A perfect day. Just a boy and girl."

Blair smiled. "You sound sad Nate, you are way too you to become nostalgic. But sometimes I agree with you life would have been much simpler, easy even if we hadn't been born into the upper east side."

Nate looked at her in mock horror, "Blair!" he said shaking her, " Whats happened to you, are you ill."

"Get off me" Blair said laughing

"Come on" he smiled holding out his hand. "Get up."

"Where are we going?"

"We are going to spend being just that boy and girl." He said pulling Blair to her feet and pushing her towards the exit. "But first you have to change"

"What do you mean?" Blair asked sounding a little scared.

"O you'll see." Nate said smiling wickedly.

So Nate took Blair to Topshop where be brought her a cheap pair of jeans and a top. He tried to make her wear a pair of pumps, but she had insisted that nothing was going on her feet that wasn't over $200. Then he had taken her out of Manhattan to a shit cinema where they watched a cheesy movie together, They had lunch in a chain restaurant and forgot just for a day who they where.

Nate hadn't laughed so much in ages, but he couldn't help it every time Blair crinkled her nose when she caught a glimpse of herself a irrepressible smile spread across his face. She just made him happy.

The words "I look hideous" had escaped her lips on numerous occasions but his response was simply to tell her that she was beautiful. This seemed to sooth her, but not for long. "So now where?" she asked expectantly as the exited pizza express.# "Always need to be in control don't you" Nate teased. Blair rolled her eyes, "Catch on slow don't you" she said pushing him in to the nearest lamp post. "Alright, Alright" he laughed. "No need to get violent. I figured we might go ice skating." he watch hesitantly as her eyes light up and she smiled at him. Then she nodded fervently like an excited child, before squealing "Yes, yes, lets go right now." With Blair standing so close to him Nate had to physically fight the urge to kiss her all he wanted was one taste, was that so awful of him. He shook his head looking away from her glowing face to as not to tempt himself.

Blair's smile grew wider from the moment her blades first touched the ice. Gliding across its smooth surface always calmed her, it was one of her favorite past times; one of the few things she could actually do better than Serena. She felt Nate following behind her but holding back as if nervous for some reason. "Catch up" she laughed holding out her hand for Nate to grasp. Moments later they where gliding side by side. Nate couldn't help but wish that Blair would fall, stumble, anything so he catch her, hold her close the way he once could. But she didn't of course. Blair never fell never stumbled, he remembered a time when that perfection irritated him. Now he just found it beautiful.

"Thank you Nate " Blair smiled, "Today was perfect. You are so generous, you know that don't you?" Nate merely smiled trying to push aside the guilt and just enjoy her compliment. "But sadly reality beckons and I need to get changed" she said looking down at herself. Nate pulled her into a tight hug stoking her hair playing with it in between his fingers. He breathed in her scent letting his senses immerse themselves in her just for a moment. "I love you Nate." she whispered in his ear.

She pulled out of their embrace and gazed directly into his eyes. "Blair, I.." but for some reason his lips couldn't form the words he so desperately wanted to say. "I love you too." The statement seemed so inadequate but it was all he could manage.

Chuck paced his bedroom, he hadn't heard from Blair once that day and it unnerved him. Even when Blair was angry he normally received eight messages telling him what a twat he was. Her silence conveyed how hurt she truly was, he hated hurting her but what choose did he have. At that moment he heard the front door slam, _thank God_ he thought. "Blair," he called, "I'm so sorry for this morning, I promise you I'm not shutting you out, you mean everything to me. I love." He stopped mid-sentence as the figure standing in front of him was not Blair but Nate.

"Hi" Nate said awkwardly.

"Hi" Chuck replied

"Erm Blair's gone home. She not angry or anything just a little tired". Chuck stiffened at the realization that Blair had spent the day with _him._ The entire day.

Chuck flicked an eye over Nate's bizarre appearance. "What are you wearing."

"Oh yeah" Nate half laughed, "Me and Blair went shopping."

"All day." Chuck quizzed curtly.

"Nothing happened Chuck, nothing ever would because she loves you. But I need to talk to you, or at least tell you something."

Chuck braced himself stepping away from Nate terrified that his next words might destroy everything.

"I'm leaving" Nate stated simply.

"What?" Chuck spluttered utterly shocked. "What do you mean leaving."

"I've applied for a term abroad, in England." He clarified. "I'll be away for six months." Nate looked at Chuck hoping he would say something but his best friend looked dumb struck so he plow on. "Its going to be odd apparently over there its girls who lacrosse and rugby is the manly sport. But hey I'll get used to it."

"Nate" Chuck said his voice breaking, "You don't have to."

"Yes actually I do, I can't live like this anymore, in case you didn't know unrequited love sucks."

"Did I make you feel like this? Like you have to leave." Chuck asked.

"I'm leaving because its the best decision for everyone I want to be proud of myself Chuck. You and Blair don't need me around screwing things up for you. Your a great man Chuck better than I could hope to be don't doubt that, and don't think that my stupid decisions are a reflection on Blair. She loves you and only you so trust her and let her in she worth that. Maybe with enough time apart you'll be able to forgive me, maybe I'll be able to move on and open my heart to someone new." Though his hopes weren't high for the latter.

************************************8

okay so I really hope its okay I dont really like it but I found it hard writing the same thing twice I always found I was remembering things wrong but I hope its okay. I promise the next chapter will be up next week. Love you guys so much thank you for all the reviews. They mean so much

Okay a side note if you are new reader i wrote two endings to this story one when she ends up with Chuck the other with Nate

She ends up with Chuck in Chapter 7 and Nate in chapter 8. I always meant it to end with Chuck and Blair but i feel in love with the Nate and Blair story so I shall let you choose only read the one would prefer to be the ending


	7. Chapter 7

Okay this is where it was comes to head. Hope you enjoy and please review because its the last chapter. Enjoy and hope your not too disappointed in how I decided to end it,

*************************9

Nate threw his socks haphazardly into his third suitcase. He looked over the bare walls and empty

bookcase, not that Nate really owned any books to fill it. Lines creased his forehead he had moved in so recently he had barely had time to decorate it and he was already tearing down the few personal belongings that demonstrating he had once lived here. No he could not say that this apartment had ever felt like home, but then again for Nate nowhere had ever really felt his own. Evicted from his childhood home, he fled Chucks home and now he was running again. He wondered if he would seem cowardly to outsider leaving just so he would not need to deal with the pain anymore. Was he a coward? Probably yes. But he didn't feel like one at this precise point, he was running away for his own happiness rather to secure hers. He was a complication she didn't need.

Maybe if he spent long enough in England he would forget her, forget the way her eyes sparkled every time she smile, forget the way her nose crinkled in disgust at every out of season outfit, forget he loved her...

He touched the small box on his bedside table looking at the name on the card next to it. Blair. He allowed himself for just one moment to feel the pain that was buried deep down inside his chest. The sheer agony made him hold on to the bed for support. Until you lose something from your life you'll never truly be able to appreciate what they mean a statement he had never understood till now. He was only just beginning to realize that he wasn't only in love with Blair, he needed her, she made him a better man a happier man. But it wasn't fair of him to ask her to his support he needed to stand by himself, learn who he was when there wasn't a girl attached to him.

A knock on the door dragged him away from his lonely thoughts. Heaving a suitcase out of way he walked towards the door. The knocking had grown louder _hold up_ Nate thought, before opening the door and seeing a very angryBlair.

She stormed past him silently sadness etched into every line of her face. "So its true" she finally said looking round the apartment, "Your leaving."

Nate nodded simply unsure of what to say. He hadn't expected to see her, he hadn't told anyone that he was leaving in hopes of escaping without the confrontation.

"And you weren't going to tell me?" Blair asked sounding so hurt it broke Nate's heart for the millionth time.

"I.. It's all been really fast." his response was pathetic and he knew it.

"Has something happen?" Blair asked searching his eyes for an explanation.

"No its not like that, I just applied for a term abroad but never thought I would get a place and I just found out I did. It was been really fast like I said. I only had a few days to pack." He turned away from her terrified that she notice his shaking hands.

"Is this about Serena?" Blair asked refusing to believe it was all so simple.

"Jesus Blair, not everything is about Serena, there is more to me than just girls you know."

"Sorry" Blair said fighting the temptation to yell at him. "I just figured it would have been something big to make you move half way across the world without so much as a goodbye. Or do I mean that little to you." She asked her tone ice.

"Blair," Nate said fighting tears, "How could you think that? You know that I love you. Your the best friend I could ever have."

"Really because it seems like you where about to leave me just like Serena did without any explanation just a large whole in my heart. How could you be so selfish?" As she ranted she walked away from him towards his bedroom inspecting the empty shelves. "Did you really think it wouldn't hurt me." she look at Nate who couldn't meet her eye. "Know you didn't think did you, because you never think Nate."

"Blair" Nate almost screamed. "I always think about you, I'm doing this for you don't you get that I can't stay here anymore."

"What are you talking about your not making sense, what do ..." But her voice trailed of as the note with her name on it caught her attention. Hastily so Nate couldn't stop her she walked into his room and picked up the envelope.

"What is this."

Blood was rushing in Nate's ears, don't open it he thought imploring, he was terrified sure that any second she would finally piece together all the lies and find the truth.

"Seriously Nate was this your way out of feeling guilty. What did you think O I'll buy her a present and a shitty card and then she'll be totally okay with the fact I'm leaving because she is soo vapid." Nate was getting angrier and angrier. "Don't you dare, don't you dare pretend that I don't care."

"Well that's what it feels like" she said hitting him in the chest trying to relieve her frustration.

"Blair stop" Nate said catching her tiny hands in his own, she struggled for a while before surrendering to his strength. She looked up into his face silently imploring him not to go. Holding her so close was making him dizzy he could feel her heart beat against his own. Starring into her deep brown his body moved uncontrollably placing a hand under her chin he crashed his lips onto hers despite his brain screaming for him to stop. Blair was motionless for a second feeling Nate increase the pressure of his kiss. Then as her mind began to work again, she pushed away from him. "Nate I, what.." she stuttered looking utterly bewildered. Nate quickly pressed a finger over her lips desperate to explain.

"Blair, please listen to what I'm about to say and just hear me out." she nodded sitting down on his bed looking like she couldn't speak even if she had wanted to. "I'm not leaving to get away from Serena. I'm leaving to get away from you, because I love you, I love you so much it hurts." Sitting down on the bed too he turned to face her. "Do you remember senior year, when we broke up I moved on so quickly, or maybe moved on is the wrong word because I didn't. Rather I thought I would be easier to distract myself with a new girl or several otherwise I look have to admit that inside I was broken. Over the last year I tried to forget you; bury myself in any other girl in hopes that one would give me half of what you did." Blair's eyes where soaked with tears by she didn't not look away. "When we where together I finally felt complete like somehow you made me a man. You showed me how to be brave Blair fight for things we wanted. But most of all you made me happy Blair you accepted me for who I was. Something my parents never managed to do.

And then when we broke up I couldn't even blame you, I had already destroyed any real chance we had by betraying to twice. How could you trust me after I slept with Serena after I so hypocritically judged you for sleeping with Chuck. I mean I basically chased you into his arms. Now I am dealing with the consequences of my actions a little late maybe. I created a situation that I can't get out of. I love you Blair and that's not going to change anytime soon and yet I was the one who destroyed our relationship. I can't be with you Chuck's my best-friend and I know that you love him more than you could love me. So I tried loving you in silence from afar and I figured it would have to diminish." Nate half smiled. "Needless to say I was wrong, it was like everywhere I would see your face hear your voice, smell your perfume every sense felt and needed you. But I could and can see that I was hurting you, you don't need me here Blair fucking up your life." He looked at her sadly. "My heart is my own problem one I have to deal with, I should never have presumed anything of you, and the truth is I have. Without realizing it I am destroying your relationship with Chuck making you feel like you have to balance us." Taking a shuddering breath he continued. "So I'm leaving for as long as it takes. I can't say I love you if I'm willing to hurt you. I don't expect anything telling you this Blair." he said touching her face gently. "You don't need to respond, I just couldn't keep on lying to you."

Blair smiled at him through her tears she took the hand touching her face and squeezed it gently. "Do you know I remember the first time I ever saw you. With your perfect green eyes and sandy blonde hair, I remember pointing at you and deciding then and there that you where the boy I was going to marry. I thought that when we grew up we would be the perfect Prince and Princess together."

Nate smiled, "But I never turned into a Prince just a prick hey."

She laughed gently but shook her head. "No Nate you grew up to be the perfect Prince, loyal kind sweet. It was me. I, I didn't become the Princess, I grew in a bitchy cruel essentially good hearted woman. But that would never be good enough for you.

"But I want that woman Blair, regardless of any faults you feel the need to apologize for."

"But I'm not right for you Nate. Somewhere along the line I would do something that you wouldn't be able to forgive because your too good a person not to." Watch the tears fall silently down his face Blair took Nate's trembling hands in her own. "A tiny part of my heart will always belong to you, your name has been engraved there, no one and nothing can change that. You were my first love Nathaniel Archibald that's something I'll never forget. But Chuck"

"Chuck" Nate echoed.

"He loves me Nate, more than anyone else, and he needs me just as much as I need him. He accepts me just the way I am, never asking for excuses or apologies only honestly. He completes me Nate, fills this empty void inside my heart and doesn't ask for anything in return. I'm not the perfect girl for you." said placing a hand on his cheek."But I promise that shes out there waiting for you." Nate nodded dejectedly in to her palm, "And she's a Princess fit for you. When your ready we'll look for her together." Nate simply nodded again before pulling her tiny frame closer to him and embracing her tightly. Realizing that this would be the last time he saw her Nate tried to make a steal clad memory in his mind. Her touch, her smile, the way she smelt, but all too quickly she pulling away her eyes a blur of tears.

"Goodbye Blair."

"Bye."

As she turned to leave Nate picked up the small box and pushed it into her hand. "I don't think they would look right on me" he said ruefully Blair took the box without argument but when she reached the door she whispered "Come back Nate, Promise you'll come back." And then she was gone.

Nate breathed out a long deep breath soothing himself. It was finally over there was nothing left for him now.

As soon as Blair exited Nate's building she broke down in overpowering tears. When did life get so screwed up. She sank you the ground as her knees gave way beneath her, she thought of all the pain Nate must have been going through, all the anguish he must have experience keeping the feelings locked up inside and Chuck. O how could she have been so blind to it all. Everyone was suffering around her and she had just closed to her eyes and ignored it all. She gripped the box tightly in her hand and ripped open the note attached to it.

Blair,

I know this is no way to say goodbye,

but I knew seeing you would convince me to stay.

Aim for the stars Blair Waldorf you deserve nothing less.

I'll miss you

Nate x

The hand holding the envelope began to shake as she pushed open the red box to reveal the beautiful earrings she had tried on months ago in Tiffianys.

The tears never stopped streaming down her face on the journey home even the usually obvious taxis driver had seemed genuinely concerned telling her several times that nothing is ever as bad as it seems. Her hands shook as she fumbled with key taking a few calming breathes she closed her eyes and stepped through the door.

Chuck was standing in the exactly the same stop, he hadn't moved since she had left him to visit Nate, since Chuck had told her he was leaving, not since he had told her to go to him. He stood gazing at her a mixture of pain and anguish plaguing his face. Their eyes connected for a moment Blair still framed in the door way before she stumbled into his arms. She held him so tightly she could feel his heartbeat quicken next to her own. They stayed that way for a long time finding comfort in the warmth of each other. Finally Blair pulled away just enough so that she could look into Chuck;s eyes, touching his face gently she said. "You stupid arse Chuck Bass. I love you, you. No one can change or remove that fact. Never doubt us again." she finished pulling him close to her once more.

"Never I promise" he whispered relieved he could finally breathe again. It was over now.

**************8

Nate lay on his bed throwing a basket ball in the air, while half listening to his room mate whiny on about a girl playing hard to get. He liked England five months down the line and he was actually starting to see it as home. Everyone here had a dark sarcastic sense of humor which reminded him greatly of his two best friends. When he had first arrived he thought he would never fit it, he shuddered at the memory of when a girl asked to borrow a rubber and he had starred at her blankly thinking she was asking him for sex, before the boy next to him had simply given the poor girl an eraser. Apparently American's didn't actually speak English, the language just sounded similar. But he was slowly getting used to the differences he enjoyed rugby which was not American football another misapprehension. He had been ripped into when he first arrived no one could take his accent seriously apparently, however it meant that Nate was slowly learning to take himself less seriously. Yes it was safe to say Nathaniel Archibald was beginning to grow up. Losing your hearts desire will do that to someone. You have to learn to adapt in the face of heartbreak.

"Ow" His room mate Josh threw a book at Nate's head to get his attention, "Are you listening."

"Erm no" Nate laughed.

"Nah don't blame you mate." Josh chuckled. He liked Josh he was genuine and never asked why Nate persisted on wearing an undersized green jumper.

"So you coming tonight" Josh asked referring to the party at one of the universities colleges.

"Maybe, don't really know if I can be bothered."

"O come on, Jess will be there and she extremely keen." Nate shrugged unconcerned "In the name of Cock what is wrong with you."

Nate laughed again "Alright I'll go" throwing the book back at his friend.

"O mate their was some post or _mail _for you, I shoved it on your desk."

"Cheers" Nate smiled before hopping of his bed and looking at the envelope. His heart began to flutter as he recognized the immaculate hand writing,.

He slowly cut in open and read.

Nathaniel Archibald

Your are formally invited to the 20th birthday celebration of Blair Waldorf.

Under that was a the address time and date.

And a small Ps read: please come we all miss you..

Sinking on to his bed Nate traced the letters his mind full of memories.

"So her names Blair." Josh asked snatching the card form him.

"What" Nate replied struggling to grab the card back.

"The girl" Josh said raising his eyebrows as if this explained everything. "Oh come on mate the girl. The girl that you've been moping about since your got here. The reason your never pay any attention to the chicks that are literally throwing themselves at you. I mean at first I thought that you where gay, but then I found your magazines." He chuckled throwing the card back on to Nate's bed.

"Ow," Nate grumbled going red, "Their private."

Josh waved his hand ignoring Nate's irritation. "So are you going to go." he said gesturing at the invitation.

"I have to." Nate replied sadly.

"You don't sound overly thrilled by the idea."

"She's with someone else mate."

"Oh." Josh said giving Nate a sympathetic look. "then why go if it will only make you unhappy."

"Because it will make her happy." Nate responded in a defeated tone. "Something I learnt, no actually something she taught me, is that you can't be selfish when it comes to love. If I didn't go it would only prove that I care more for myself than her, and I'm not that prick anymore."

Josh sank down on to his own bed looking over at his friends. "No one ever really tells you that growing ups hard do they. "  
A smile played on Nate's lips. "Nah mate they don't"

*************************8

He walked up the stairs to the grand entrance Blairs present tucked under his arm feeling extremely nervous. He hadn't seen anyone from this world in nearly seven months. He wondered whether they would be different to him now that they all knew his secret. Would they think him a coward for running away. Or would they understand. And then there was Blair how would it feel seeing her for the first time. He had missed her so much his heart ached, he run out of breathe sometimes just thinking of all the moments he had missed. He couldn't forget her no matter how many woman he tried to replace her face with it didn't work so he stopped trying. None of them managed to replicate her smell or her touch in his heart, none where able to make him smile without reservation . He'd had started taking it day by day accepting how he felt no matter how that was and working through it. Nate realized that he never actually had to get over anyone before normally the relationship came to a understandable ending or more often than not Nate just got bored. But then again Nate doubted whether he had ever really been in love before. Despite the fact she wasn't there Blair had occupied most of his time in England and he wasn't sure whether he was ready to see her again assured in the knowledge her name had not left his heart.

He passed through the large oak doors and was met immediately by the sound of hundreds of people enjoying the celebrations. Trying to be strong while feeling his legs grow numb he began to mill around the room and the small talk typical with the UES. Drowning under the onslaught of elderly men and the drastically younger wife's, he made his was over to the bar.

"Scotch, please" he said to the bartender, before turning to face the crowd of strangers.

"Oh dear Nathaniel is it already that bad." Nate turned to see Chuck advancing closer to him and gesturing at his drink, "Your normal time limit for Scotch is after ten and I hate to tell you its only reached eight."

"Hey mate" Nate said debating where to go for a hand shake or a hug. But the decision was taken from him by Chuck who with an unexpected demonstration of emotion pulled him into a one armed hug. "Its been weird without you."

"Its strange, for some odd reason I thought that the UES would have frozen in time while I've been gone like nothing would have changed."

"Money is a force that stops for no one." Chuck said tilting his head towards the crowd of jostling people.

"So, how is everyone?" Nate asking in a slightly higher voice.

"We're all struggling on. Serena is has dropped out of college, instead she feels her talents lie in front of a camera, but that doesn't really surprise anyone. And Blair's good still trying to take over the world while keeping her headband in place." Chuck gave Nate a knowing glance. "She's missed you though. We all have."

Nate looked at the floor not knowing whether to feel uncomfortable or grateful. "And how is, erm" he flattered unsure of how to phrase his next question.

"We are good Nate. Happy. Blair makes me very happy and I think that I make her so."

Nate nodded glad that he hadn't ruined everything. "She's over there" Chuck said pointing, "Last I heard she was looking for a dance partner."

"And you don't" Nate asked

"I think I could sit this one out" Chuck said kindly

Nate smiled at him knowing that he couldn't refuse his offer. "See you soon mate." he said setting down his glass.

As he walked out in to the abyss of people he heard Chuck call "O Nate anything can be fixed if you give it time." Nate smiled, always was the better man.

He wonder whether is it was the dress Blair was wearing that made her so clear in the crowd, a deep red that caressed her curves and fell to the floor, or whether it was simply the glow of happiness she was emitting lighting up the whole room. Her features shone with pride and felicity as her eyes appraised the room of contented people.

Her eyes finally found his; sparkling brown meet deep green, she stood still starring at him for a moment looking unsure of whether to move or not. She was so beautiful it took his breathe away,

"You came" she said finally moving closer to him, "Does this mean your back?"  
"I heard you where looking for a dance partner" Nate said preferring not to answer her question, "I know you can't resist my sweet moves."

She grinned at him, "It's true I was looking for a partner, and I suppose if your my only choice you'll have to do."

"You look incredible Blair" Nate replied before she could insult him further.

"Thank you" she gave him a meek smile before taking his hand and leading him to the area sectioned of for dancing. He wondered whether she had noticed his slightly sweaty hands as the held nervously to her. But if she did she did not mention it. The grand hall seemed to be full to bursting with people laughing hysterically to each other champagne threatening to spill from their grasps. Through them Nate could see couples moving with ease, twirling around one another.

"Everyone seems to be having a good time" Nate observed as they reached the dance floor.

"I know," she smile. "If I didn't know better I'de say someone had spiked the champagne."

She laughed taking his hand and placing it on her hip and the began to move in time to the rhythm of music. Only then did Nate notice the glimmering shapes sparkling hanging from Blair's ears. Their familiarity was undeniable at this proximity, he touched the last present he had given her gently before looking into her eyes. She simply smiled at his unasked question and kissed his palm innocently. The music lead them around the floor gracefully moving around the other couples. As he could feel their intimate moment coming to close he held her close once more letting his fingers run through her soft hair. But not for a second did he let himself believe she was his.

Nate stepped back still holding Blair's hand he winked at her reasuringly, before turning to crowd.

He heard her ask "Have you found her yet?"

He turned to smile at her "No." he said. "But maybe I'll start looking now."

*******************************************8

Okay its done. Please tell me what you thought it would be amazing to know what you thought of the story overall and stuff, even if you haven't reviewed before.

The next chapter is the alternative ending which i personally prefer but it was too hard to choose between Nate and Chuck so i didnt. :)


	8. Chapter 8

Here you go hope you guys like this ending. I am really proud of it so hope you find it good.

***************************8

Nate threw his socks haphazardly into his third suitcase. He looked over the bare walls and empty

bookcase, not that Nate really owned any books to fill it. Lines creased his forehead he had moved in so recently he had barely had time to decorate it and he was already tearing down the few personal belongings that demonstrating he had once lived here. No he could not say that this apartment had ever felt like home, but then again for Nate nowhere had ever really felt his own. Evicted from his childhood home, he fled Chucks home and now he was running again. He wondered if he would seem cowardly to outsider leaving just so he would not need to deal with the pain anymore. Was he a coward? Probably yes. But he didn't feel like one at this precise point, he was running away for his own happiness rather to secure hers. He was a complication she didn't need.

Maybe if he spent long enough in England he would forget her, forget the way her eyes sparkled every time she smile, forget the way her nose crinkled in disgust at every out of season outfit, forget he loved her...

He touched the small box on his bedside table looking at the name on the card next to it. Blair. He allowed himself for just one moment to feel the pain that was buried deep down inside his chest. The sheer agony made him hold on to the bed for support. Until you lose something from your life you'll never truly be able to appreciate what they mean a statement he had never understood till now. He was only just beginning to realize that he wasn't only in love with Blair, he needed her, she made him a better man a happier man. But it wasn't fair of him to ask her to his support he needed to stand by himself, learn who he was when there wasn't a girl attached to him.

A knock on the door dragged him away from his lonely thoughts. Heaving a suitcase out of way he walked towards the door. The knocking had grown louder _hold up_ Nate thought, before opening the door and seeing a very angryBlair.

She stormed past him silently sadness etched into every line of her face. "So its true" she finally said looking round the apartment, "Your leaving."

Nate nodded simply unsure of what to say. He hadn't expected to see her, he hadn't told anyone that he was leaving in hopes of escaping without the confrontation.

"And you weren't going to tell me?" Blair asked sounding so hurt it broke Nate's heart for the millionth time.

"I.. It's all been really fast." his response was pathetic and he knew it.

"Has something happen?" Blair asked searching his eyes for an explanation.

"No its not like that, I just applied for a term abroad but never thought I would get a place and I just found out I did. It was been really fast like I said. I only had a few days to pack." He turned away from her terrified that she notice his shaking hands.

"Is this about Serena?" Blair asked refusing to believe it was all so simple.

"Jesus Blair, not everything is about Serena, there is more to me than just girls you know."

"Sorry" Blair said fighting the temptation to yell at him. "I just figured it would have been something big to make you move half way across the world without so much as a goodbye. Or do I mean that little to you." She asked her tone ice.

"Blair," Nate said fighting tears, "How could you think that? You know that I love you. Your the best friend I could ever have."

"Really because it seems like you where about to leave me just like Serena did without any explanation just a large whole in my heart. How could you be so selfish?" As she ranted she walked away from him towards his bedroom inspecting the empty shelves. "Did you really think it wouldn't hurt me." she look at Nate who couldn't meet her eye. "Know you didn't think did you, because you never think Nate."

"Blair" Nate almost screamed. "I always think about you, I'm doing this for you don't you get that I can't stay here anymore."

"What are you talking about your not making sense, what do ..." But her voice trailed of as the note with her name on it caught her attention. Hastily so Nate couldn't stop her she walked into his room and picked up the envelope.

"What is this."

Blood was rushing in Nate's ears, don't open it he thought imploring, he was terrified sure that any second she would finally piece together all the lies and find the truth.

"Seriously Nate was this your way out of feeling guilty. What did you think O I'll buy her a present and a shitty card and then she'll be totally okay with the fact I'm leaving because she is soo vapid." Nate was getting angrier and angrier. "Don't you dare, don't you dare pretend that I don't care."

"Well that's what it feels like" she said hitting him in the chest trying to relieve her frustration.

"Blair stop" Nate said catching her tiny hands in his own, she struggled for a while before surrendering to his strength. She looked up into his face silently imploring him not to go. Holding her so close was making him dizzy he could feel her heart beat against his own. Starring into her deep brown his body moved uncontrollably placing a hand under her chin he crashed his lips onto hers despite his brain screaming for him to stop. For a second he could have sworn he kissed him back, but before his brain was able to really register what was going on she pulled away gripping his shirt in her hands.

He looked into her deep brown eyes searching for an answer, but all he found was hurt and confusion, he had expected her to speak to hit him even, but she was motionless staring at him as if expecting to wake from a dream.

"Blair" he whispered stroking the side of her face gently tucking a stray curl behind her ear and waiting for her to erupt with anger.

Still she did not say a word. "Blair," he said again slightly louder, "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that, I didn't mean to its just I can't help but do the most stupid things in front of you, its like my brain stops working every time your near me."

"So your saying you didn't mean to, that was a mistake" Blair asking gazing into his eyes, her mind was on overdrive, spinning so fast, attempting to make sense of her current situation but no logical answer was coming to her. This just couldn't be happening why was her heart so confused.

"No, that's not what I meant," he said softly. Suppressing the urge pull her closer to him, he took her hand and held it tightly in his own. "What I'm trying to say, so inarticulately is that this," he place her hand directly over his heart. "is entirely yours. It is always has been, I've just been too blind to see it."

"But I" tears streamed down her face as she choked on her words.

Nate smiled down at her soaking cheeks. "I don't expect anything from you Blair, I guess I just couldn't lie to you anymore, or myself. I'm not leaving to get away from Serena, I'm leaving because every day that I get to see you but not to have you breaks my heart. It's like this constant reminder of what I once had but threw away because I was too much of a fool to truly appreciate the beauty in front of me."

Blair shook her head this was all too much, too much to take in at once. "Will you miss me?" she knew it was a childish question but she had to know the answer.

He half laughed , at her question, "Miss you, Blair its aches inside just knowing that I'm not going to hear your voice everyday, the sheer pain of it makes me seriously consider not going. But I have to"

"You don't have to, " Blair imploring her grip on his chest intensifying, "I don't want you to go."

Cupping her face with his hand he whispered, "Better I brake my own heart than yours Blair, and even if you don't see it now the position me staying here would put you in would slowly break your heart."

She placed her own hands over his interlacing their fingers, "Will you come back."

"I'll always come back, if you ever need me I'll be right here." He kissed her forehead.

She nodded resigned she understood that his mind was made, however she stayed still letting time pass them by, standing close to him for just a few moments more.

Sighing heavily they broke apart, "Here" he said passing her the box. "Please take it."

Wordlessly she reached out and took the small box; tears threatening to overwhelm her fingers brushed against his.

He watch her go every step she took away from him was a knife to his heart, _this was there goodbye._ At the door she turned to gaze at him terrified unsure whether to leave. She was Blair Waldorf, master manipulator under control of everything, but for some reason words where failing her. There was nothing she could do to change this situation. All she wanted was to take the broken boy standing in front of her pain away, her heart ached for the look on his face.

"Bye" she whispered and then she was gone.

Blair wasn't entirely sure how she made it to Chuck's apartment, tears had blurred her vision and memories had dominated her mind. With every step she took it was as if her heart was screaming at her, telling her she was going the wrong way But how she could be, Chuck had always been her future, the one that fit her, matched her, she couldn't breathe none of this made sense.

She took a deep breath trying to calm herself before opening the door and sliding inside Chuck's apartment, Her eyes found him straight away, he was sitting at the bar in the exact same position as when she had left him, when he had told her Nate was leaving and that she should go to him. His eyes where digging into her skin, silently begging her for answer, a decision. But she couldn't give him one instead she dropped her bags onto the floor and almost ran to the bedroom. The other side of the door she broke down sinking to her knees screaming noiselessly from the pain that was overwhelming her body and brain.

It caught Chucks attention immediately the card floated to the ground slower than her bag, her name flashed on the surface of the paper, igniting a determined curiosity. His fingers delicately curled around the seal and tore open the note.

_Blair _

_I'm so sorry I was too much of a coward to say goodbye in person_

_I thought if I saw you I wouldn't be able to leave. _

_I'll miss you more than air Blair Waldorf_

_I love you, _

_Always have always will _

_Nate _

Chuck reread the note several times allowing the words to flow through him to take every meaning they could possibly possess. His resolve stiffened as he made his way over to the bedroom balling his hands into fists before opening the door. The ink ran slowly, as drops of moister despoiled the surface. Blair was lying in their bed crying into the pillow, but that didn't disturb him half as much as how vulnerable she looked curled into a ball. Blair was not weak she did not cry she merely adapted and evolved, he had thought the only person that could make her cry was him. Clearly he had been wrong.

"You can go." He didn't mean his words to seem cold, but how else could he mask the searing pain.

"What" she spluttered confused.

He sat down turning away from her "Just go Blair," his voice broke as he said her name.

Blair sat up rubbing her eyes, "I don't understand,"

Chuck sighed, "You can still catch him if you go now."

Blair reached out wanting to touch Chucks hand "But I love you Chuck."

He smiled sadly finally meeting her eyes, "I know, and I love you Blair. But your heart was never truly mine, maybe I was just keeping it safe until you where ready to let him in again.." He was purposely not saying Nate's name.

Blair shook her head adamantly "That's not true, I love you" her voice trailed off as she tried to find something else to say.

"And tell me who are you trying to convince me or yourself. This past year has been the happiest of my life and the reason for that is you. Can the same really be said for you?" He questioned as his eyes glistening over.

"You have got the most beautiful smile Blair, a smile that lights up your entire face it crinkles your nose and makes your eyes shine. Except you don't wear it for me, I pretended not to notice but you only wear that smile for him. Your eyes only shine for him." Taking a shaky breath, "But I should stop pretending, and you." he took Blair's face in his hands while his voice broke with the pure emotion. "You should be allowed to wear that smile. It should play permanently on your lips."

Blair looked into his face wanting to say something anything to take his pain away. "Chuck I'm. I'm so sorry." her words seemed so inadequate.

"Don't be. Just go, he's waiting for you." Chuck let go of her and opened the door. "Go Blair, live your fairytale. Oh and I believe this belongs to you." he said handing her the small black box.

Blair stood up and took the box, "Thank you." she said simple delicately tracing the outline of his face with her finger.

He watched the door close behind her feeling hot tears fall down his cheeks. He sunk back down onto his bed letting his emotions take full control of his body, Blair could never have seen him react like his or she would never have left. Lying down Chuck wondered how his heart was able to beat when he could feel it braking.

Nate looked around the airport taking in the last few seconds of New York he didn't know when he would get to see it again. Change wasn't something he adapted well too, the thought of a new country would normally terrify him, but today he was just numb. He was unable to take any other emotion in. So he simply continued to stare at his surroundings watching the little children play with their toys. Couple happily reunite, couples sadly break apart, Life moved on around him as he sat still unable to shift the thoughts of her from his mind. The truth was he had stopped trying.

In a daze of mixed up memories and thoughts he took his seat on the plane and peered out of the small window allowing its surface to steam up and clear again.

He did even look up when he passenger next to him sat down he merely moved closer to the window wanting to avoid any conversation. His fingers began to make patterns across the window was it really possible that missed her already. Sighing heavily he sat up it was going to be a long flight.

"Hello" His head whip round at the sound of her voice,

"Blair" she was sitting next to him, how was it possible he hadn't notice her sit down, registered the smell that he knew so well.

He looked at her utterly confused not daring to think this could mean what he hoped for.

"Took you long enough" she said.

"Erm what are you doing" Nate said awkwardly ruffling his hair.

"What do you think you idiot."

"No, I need you to tell me" he pleaded.

She cupped his face with her hand. "I am here because I love you."

Nate kissed her wrist silently holding her hand in his. "I thought I'd forgotten about you, but today when you told me everything it was like you opened up this little box inside me. I cant explain it but when I saw Chuck I just kept thinking that he wasn't you. Then I thought about not seeing you, punch you when you annoy me, hug you when your sad. How could I possibly let you go to England, what a ridiculous idea, you never be accepted there your teeth are far too white. I couldn't let you go, you need to be with me, your supposed to be with me and..." Nate pulled her forward catching her ranting lips in his own, tangling a hand in Blair's hair he pulled her closer. He gently bit her bottom, "Blair I'll never leave you. Never. If you want me I'll always be here." he said tapping her nose. She nodded allowing her forehead to press against his as a tears began to form at the corners of her eyes.

"I would like that." she said smiling through her tears. Nate leaned closer once again kissing her unable to contain his delight, her touch was just as he remembered it. She felt perfect underneath his lips.

"Erm Blair"

"Yes" she mumbled into his lips.

"Know how you said you wouldn't let me go to England. Well I think its a little late for that."

"What" Blair shrieked. Tearing her eyes from Nate's face she notice the plane was moving faster and faster, until finally they where no longer touching the ground.

"How long is this flight" she asked, as Nate merely sat smiling at her.

He shrugged "About five hours."

She smiled a very wicked smile, "You know there's a lot someone can do in five hours."

"Really" Nate asked his smile growing as he leaned in closer to her

"O Yes." Blair teased as she bit his bottom lip gently.

A ray of light caught the glistening diamond hanging from her ear, as she placed a hand in his sandy blonde hair pulling him closer and closing the gap between them.

******************************8

Hope you guys liked it. I really loved this ending after all. The sad thing was the Chuck ending but some body was always going to get their heart broken. Please review and tell me what you think

Thank you all so much for reading I really enjoyed this especially as it was my first


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